It’s Up To Me Now.

I Thought I would take a few minutes to evaluate life as i see it right now

As i am moving forward, with no wish to emulate the past as i see it.

Since taking charge of my thoughts and my life i feel like i can conquer so much more

Unlike my younger years when i never knew the score.

People say to me “So you’re 46 years of age..? Na forget it mate”

So because i am 46 years of age i have to keep continuing to make my life too late?

How insane is that when you realize how precious life really is

I am not going to conceed at my dreams because of what i have missed.

Others may prefer the comfort zones that their lives have moulded around

But not me.

I will tell you why;

Comfort zones may look appealing when you feel your load is too hard to bear, but it is not the freedom that you think it is.

Because after a long time of being cocooned in comfort you become trapped by fear,

Comfort zones tell you not to try anything new in case you failed like you did in the past

Comfort zones will tell you that anything good that you try will never last.

Every time you quit something it creates and moulds a false idea of comfort and security in your mind

The adventures of life eventually stop, where there is nothing new to find.

Ground hog day becomes your life for many years because it was you who chose the comfort of nothing new

I opted out of real life for a decade, i’ve got the t-shirt, i know this to be true.

I wasn’t growing or learning anything about life, apart from how to keep yourself trapped

I would make excuses and tell myself, maybe this existence has already been mapped?

But i mapped it out, as i chose it through fear

No new challenges or experiences near.

When i released myself from my self-imposed prison it was first through my mind, when i dared to dream

I no longer thought about a world so hostile and mean.

I imagined myself achieving something great instead of practicing at being depressed

I imagined my dream job, instead of concentrating on past-work related stress.

I imagined being loved, instead of reinforcing the hostility that others had shown me

I imagined myself succeeding instead of focusing on every area where i had failed.

That was when i realized that all the happiness i ever craved for was already inside me.

I don’t care if none of my dreams become reality. Why?

Because at least i already know what they felt like as i have already experienced them.

How did all this come about you may ask?

When i got sick of the tireless occupation of relying on others for my happiness.

I reached a stage after much heartache where i realized:

“You know what, it’s up to me now”

I wasted time and money looking to people, places and things

More and more dissapointment is all that it will bring.

The key to your freedom is between your ears

There does not have to me any more tears.

For many years i stopped living

Totally angry and non-forgiving.

Where did that get me?

A self-imposed prison that i delivered myself to-but a prison, i in turn released myself from.